Canisius College

How Can I Get Help?

Help is available and easy to find! There are many different types of treatments to help those whose lives are affected by alcohol. For severe alcohol addictions, there are detoxification programs that require the alcoholic or addicted individual to stay in a hospital or a treatment center. There are also programs that treat the problem at a clinic that the patient can attend daily. Once the physical addiction is addressed, follow-up treatment is always recommended. Treatments for detoxified patients and those with less severe problems include individual, family, or couple's therapy. Support groups are also available for sufferers of alcoholism and their family members or loved ones. You can contact the Canisius Counseling Center at 888-2620 to get more confidential information about alcohol treatment or you can call:

• Buffalo State College
  Bacon Hall, 1:00 p.m.
  2nd Sunday of each month
  
  
• Niagara/Orleans Area
  Harrison Radiator
  Plant 2, Building 2, 11:00 a.m.
  2nd Sunday of each month

Nar Anon, 875-0548/674-8489

• Tuesday, 7:00-8:30 p.m.
  Clearview Outpatient Services
  66 Mead Street
  North Tonawanda, New York 14120
  
  
• Tuesday, 1:00 p.m.
  Salvation Army Building
  Westminster
  Buffalo, New York 14215
  
  
• Wednesday, 7:00 p.m.
  St John's Grace Episcopal Church
  796 Lafayette Avenue
  Buffalo, New York 14222 (use office door)
  
  
• Thursday, 6:00 p.m.
  Community Mental Health Center
  Outpatient Alcoholism Center
  80 Goodrich, Room 144 (located in basement)
  Buffalo, New York 14203

Main Office
2969 Main Street
Buffalo, New York 14214-1003
(716) 834-3131

Crisis Phone Counseling Program
Kid's Helpline: (716) 834-1144

http://www.crisisservices.org

-When someone else's drinking problem becomes my problem-

One does not have to be using alcohol to be damaged by its effects.

• Children and partners of alcoholics can be seriously effected too.
  
  
• Family members and other loved ones often suffer from psychological symptoms, including low self-esteem, depression, health problems, and relationship problems, like difficulties getting close to others.
  
  
• They may also find themselves minimizing the severity of their loved one's problem, feeling responsible for the problem, or feeling a lot of anger, shame, and resentment.
  
  
• In addition, family and friends of alcoholics may display their own addictive behaviors -especially relationship addictions.
  
  
• Being related to an alcoholic or living with an alcoholic puts one at greater risk for alcoholism and other addictions, including gambling and overeating.
  
  
• Finally, family and friends who are close to an alcoholic often take on their responsibilities, attempting to function for them in ways that are often unhealthy. This is commonly known as "codependency" and includes feelings of having lost control over one's own emotions and behavior.

• Sometimes Canisius students can be affected by the alcoholism of someone at home.
  
  
• The Children of Alcoholics Foundation estimates that 6.6 million children under the age of 18 live in a household where there is at least one alcoholic parent.
  
  
• Of the students who come to the Canisius College Counseling Center, roughly one third report some history of alcohol or drug problems in the family.
  
  
• Students who come from families where there is alcoholism, as you probably know, have an increased risk of having their own alcohol, drug, and other addictive problems.

Professionals working with adult children of alcoholics have identified four family roles that children of alcoholics may take on:

The Family Hero

• Usually the oldest child
  
  
• Does well in school
  
  
• A leader who is admired, serious, mature, and seems to have it all
  together
  
  
• Doted on by relatives and teachers
  
  
• Helpful at home
  
  
• Underneath feels inadequate, not good-enough, scared, guilty, and lonely

The Scapegoat

• Does poorly in school
  
  
• May try to compete with the hero but loses out, then stops trying to please family and friends
  
  
• Rebellious and angry, may withdraw
  Seen as a "screw up," puts on a "tough act," hangs out with a similar peer group
  
  
• Uses alcohol and other drugs
  
  
• Underneath feels like a misfit and left out in the family, wants attention, feels lonely, guilty and hurt

The Lost Child

• Quiet, shy, often goes unnoticed
  
  
• Loner, ill-at-ease with others
  
  
• Tries not to be a bother
  
  
• Few or no close friends
  
  
• Underneath feels forgotten and different, like an outsider

The Mascot

• Class clown, happy-go-lucky
  
  
• Disruptive
  
  
• Has a lot of energy
  
  
• Likes the focus to be on him/herself
  
  
• Underneath feels fearful, anxious, confused, and unsure

Like any categories, these are not hard and true and may be somewhat artificial. However, parts of these descriptions may sound familiar to you.

Family and friends often try to "help" people who may have problems with alcohol. Here are some definitions to consider:

• Helping is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing for themselves.
  
  
• Enabling is doing something for someone that they could and should be doing for themselves.

Here are some examples of ENABLING BEHAVIORS:

• Telling amusing stories about the drinker or others who drink a lot.
  
  
• Speaking admiringly of the drinker's ability to hold his/her drink.
  
  
• Suggesting that the drinker attend activities where alcohol is being served.
  
  
• Offering drinks to the drinker.
  
  
• Making excuses for the drinker's behavior while s/he is drunk or drinking.
  
  
• Saying the drinker behaves better when drinking.
  
  
• Tending to alcohol-related injuries or putting the drinker to bed after s/he has been drinking.
  
  
• Bailing the drinker out of jail and/or paying drinking-related legal fees.
  
  
• Taking responsibility for waking the drinker in the morning after s/he has been drinking so that s/he would not be late for work or class.
  
  
• Calling in sick for the drinker and lying about his/her symptoms.
  
  
• Reassuring the drinker that his/her behavior while drinking was not all that bad.

Often people who are in relationships with problem drinkers:

• accept part of the blame for the drinking or resulting behavior
  
  
• threaten to leave and do not
  
  
• keep giving the drinker "one more chance"
  
  
• fear talking to the drinker about their drinking

MOVIES:
Clean and Sober
When A Man Loves a Woman
Leaving Las Vegas

BOOKS:
Adult Children of Alcoholics Janet Woititz
Drinking: A Love Story
Portraits of Recovery: Sixty Stories of Hope and Faith
Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk
A Drinking Life: A Memoir
It Will Never Happen To Me

The association helps student groups develop and maintain a student network, provides resources and training opportunities that promote and support peer education activities, and creates, promotes, and distributes new research on alcohol and other student health and safety issues. Existing or new student groups which have a role in educating others about student health issues can affiliate and the requirements to affiliate are few.

At Canisius College contact Bacchus at 888-2190
Explore the Bacchus Web Site at http://www.bacchusgamma.org

I went to a party, Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you,
You were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

A poem from MADD